everything I've ever wanted - tell me what's wrong

morning preparations

Elliott standing guard/how I spent my morning

This morning I woke up from one of those super intense dreams where it seems like your brain allows months to skip by in fifteen minutes. I usually only get those after a night of binge drinking or a melatonin overdose, but hey, I'll take it.

I know everyone hates hearing about other people's dreams, but fuck it. In this particular reverie, I had kids. AND I LIKED IT! This dream (nightmare?) has left me with the ultimate in bullshit existential questions, like "Who am I?" and "Will this make me capital-H-happy?"

Maybe this is my quarter life crisis? Or maybe I've been reading too much Murakami, but so far I don't think any of his characters have dreamt themselves into the life of a stay at home mom- which includes, but is not limited to: buying all of the cute kid shit at Ikea, making anthropomorphic character-shaped pancakes, snuggling, and so on. Like I said, bullshit. But cute bullshit...

Anyway, I'm not pregnant right now- something I wish I could celebrate but adding some booze to my coffee, but all we've got right now is some weird elderberry vodka that I bought just for the pretty bottle. Unfortunately, I don't like the taste enough to drink it often, and because I HATE wasting money (especially after I've already wasted it once on the same item), I refuse to pour it out. So now it sits, full of alcohol I don't want to drink, and I can't even enjoy the bottle like I planned.

I'm sure there's some metaphor in there for the idiocy that is my life, but instead of worrying about that, I'll just have a beer.